Childcare Angels

First of all, well done – you’ve just made the biggest step towards having your cake and eating it: a successful career and happy home life. I respect every mum who is brave enough to embrace their own needs outside of being ‘a mum’, and has the guts to work to keep a roof over their family’s heads, and build a good future for her family.

Many stay-at-home mums or people who do not have children often feel that us working mums are the most selfish people on the planet, but if they could only see and feel how hard it is to make the sacrifices we do – just live our lives for a week – they’d soon see that it’s far from the walk in the park they imagine our lives to be.

I remember the first nursery we took our son Joshua to – not a good memory for various reasons – but I’ll never forget how I cried like a baby all the way to work, and he was only ‘settling in’ for a couple of hours. 

Finding suitable childcare is at the core of being able to have a successful career or business. Why? Because if your child is not happy, neither will you be. The last thing you want is to emotionally scar your child with bad experiences, because it will make it even harder for you to leave them with anyone – even known and trusted family and friends.

And, what use will you be at work if you are worrying about your child? You won’t perform well at work for lack of concentration, your boss will be on your case all the time, this will lead to stress, which you’ll then take out on your family when you get home only to go to work the following day feeling guilty about how badly you’ve treated your loved ones and won’t be able to concentrate on your work. Soon enough, it could become a vicious cycle.

That’s why it’s so important to get the basics right from day one, and you’re three-quarters of the way there. 

Once we’d overcome Joshua’s bad experience with his first nursery, and found a good nursery with staff who actually cared about the children in their care, words cannot describe the overall relief, or how much easier it made things for all concerned. We learned the hard way what not to do, and this book will make sure you don’t make the same mistakes we did.

The very first time you leave your child in the care of someone else, you’d need a heart of steel not to at least get a little niggling feeling or huge pangs of guilt. A lot of that will be centred on the question of whether you are doing the right thing. Every parent who has been in this position will tell you that if you have made the wrong decision, your child will let you know – babies won’t settle, toddlers will scream like you’ve left them in a cage with a wild animal and pre-schoolers will tell you ‘no’!

Once they’re a bit older, they can tell you exactly how they feel. And according to research by Jobcentre Plus, UK children give a thumbs-up to their parents for going out to work. So, finally, working mothers have something to show critics that being at work does not make their children unhappy, after all. 

The research found that of the 500 primary school children asked how they felt about their parents having jobs, nearly three times as many children (46%) say they actually liked their mum or dad going to work, compared to those who didn’t (16%). In fact, almost a third (31%) said the fact that their parents worked made them feel proud.

Children were polled from both one and two-parent families, and they revealed that working parents are, on the whole, successful at finding ways to spend quality time with them. When asked how they felt about their parent working, almost four in 10 children (37%) agreed that their mum or dad still made time for them despite working hard, whereas just 7% thought that their parents didn’t have time for them because of work.

When asked why their parents went to work, overall children displayed a down-to-earth understanding, with 55% saying it was because they needed the money. At the same time, nearly one in five children (17%) believed that their parents worked because they enjoyed it. Older children seemed to admire their parents’ efforts most, with the oldest age group (9-11 year olds) being most likely to say they were proud of their parents for working.

The survey findings clearly show that children of working parents still have a lot of fun with them, with most children mentioning several examples, including watching TV/DVDs or playing video games (58%), playing indoor games (50%) and playing outside or riding bikes (48%).

With more than 29 million people working in the UK, and the numbers on benefits continuing to fall, more and more parents are benefiting from being in work. And the government is helping even more people get off benefits and into employment.

It’s only natural to worry about how your child is coping while you’re at work, but the truth is that children can adapt very quickly. A working parent can be a positive influence because this establishes a good work ethic in the family and also enables children to be a bit more independent.

Having a job and being a parent does mean that you have to do a bit of juggling but if you can make time each day to enjoy your children, you’ll all feel much more comfortable with the idea of you being back at work. When to start looking for childcare 

The importance of forward planning when it comes to looking for childcare can’t be stressed enough. Some parents start looking for childcare as early as during the pregnancy. That may seem a bit far ahead, but it all depends on the area you live in and on your circumstances. If you know, for instance, that you will be back in the office after six weeks maternity leave, then looking for childcare during pregnancy may not be such a bad idea.

For mums taking a full year’s maternity leave, you need not start so early, but just remember that your circumstances may change while you’re at home caring for your baby, so don’t leave it to the absolute last minute. There’s no harm in making a shortlist of say three nurseries and doing some background checks before committing to one.

Mother’s helps

As the name suggests, mother’s helps give mums (or dads) a helping hand to look after children and does basic household chores (usually in connection with the child, so things like tidying up their room, washing and ironing).

They are usually young adults so this could be their first time looking after children, so it’s not a good idea to leave them with your children for long periods of time, as they would not be experienced enough to deal with an emergency situation or children misbehaving, for example. Gradually, as they grow more confident – and more importantly, as you feel happy to leave them in sole charge – you may be able to do this for a few hours.

A mother’s help lives in your home, and works up to 45 hours a week, doing an additional two nights babysitting maximum per week. She will not have been police checked, and may not have childcare qualifications.

Au pairs

Au pairs are a bit like mother’s helps but, by law, they can only be aged between 17 and 27 years, not be married or have any children and come from certain countries:

• Andorra
• Bosnia-Herzegovina
• Croatia
• Faroe Islands
• Greenland
• Macedonia
• Monaco
• San Marino
• Turkey

Nationals of European Economic Community countries are not included in the official au pair scheme but are free to come to the United Kingdom as au pairs. Bulgarian and Romanian nationals will need to
apply for an accession worker card before you take work in the UK.

The difference is that to come to the UK, au pairs will need to be learning English for up to five hours a day – this is time you need to consider when calculating how many hours care you need. They therefore work between 15 to 40 hours a week and live in your home.

Au pairs can live in the UK for up to two years with and English-speaking family, and need to register with the police within seven days of entering the UK. If they live in the Metropolitan Police Area (this covers most of London) they will need to register at the Overseas Visitor Records Office (www.west-midlands.police.uk/overseas-visitors/index.asp).

There are three types of au pairs:

• demi au pairs – these work 15 hours a week and babysit for one or two nights a week;
• working au pairs – these work 25 hours a week and babysit for one or two nights a week; and
• au pair plus – they work 26-35 hours a week and babysit for one or two nights a week.

The au pair you get depends on the level of experience you need them to have – but be aware that there is no guarantee that they will have childcare experience beyond caring for younger siblings or the children of family friends and relatives. That said, if you just need an extra pair of hands around the house while you work and can spare a room, they may be a good option. Many parents now want their child to be bilingual and learn different languages from a young age, and au pairs from the European Economic Community can often be good with this.

Maternity nurses

Maternity nurses are usually experienced nannies, nursery nurses, or qualified nurses who help new parents with things like settling a newborn, breastfeeding (for mums), and basically providing care for the baby and supporting mum. They are specialists and will not be the ones to do your household chores, so it is worth clarifying any additional needs before employing a maternity nurse.

Most parents usually know more about the type of childcare that their friends and family use and often assume that one of these options is the best form of childcare for them.

It’s this very reason why many parents look at the expense and think that going back to work is not worth the hassle if they only get pocket change left after paying childcare fees.

When making the decision, most parents think about whether they want their child cared for in their own home, in the carers home or outside the home. Another consideration is whether they want their child to have individual care, or socialise early with other children. And then there are those, like me, who feel a bit better in the knowledge that a nursery has safety in numbers, and that if a member of staff is mistreating a child another member is bound to pick up on it and do something about it, whereas there isn’t that luxury with individual child carers. And the other side of that is the agonising feeling that your child’s individual needs won’t be met at a nursery because there are other children’s needs that need to be met. Decisions, decisions!

Whatever you decide is best for your child, remember that most childcare providers genuinely love looking after children. Yes, there are those carers who give the industry a bad name, but on the whole, most want to see your child happy and thriving as much as you do (well almost!). They are, after all, the first person that the finger of blame points to when things go wrong.

This chapter will look into detail what different child carers can provide, how flexible they can be with their time, and the type of family situation that is most suited to it.

The main types of childcare available in the UK are:

• Nannies
• Childminders
• Nurseries (day nurseries, private nursery schools and government-funded nurseries)
• Childminding networks
• Pre-schools and playgroups
• Mother’s helps
• Au pairs
• Maternity nurses
• Private schools
• Kids clubs

The three most common childcare used in the UK are nurseries, childminders and nannies, so let’s focus on those for now. If, however, you are thinking of ways to cut the cost of childcare, using just one form of childcare may actually work out more expensive. Using a mixture of childcare options may help you cut the costs – and it doesn’t have to be as big a juggling act as you might expect. For more details on the other types of childcare, and how to make your options work for you, buy The Working Parent’s Stress-Free Guide to Childcare by Joycellyn Akuffo – wife, mother, founder and editor of www.motherswhowork.co.uk (a lifestyle website for working mums), www.lookforchildcare.co.uk (a free childcare directory connecting parents to childcare providers) and director of Childcare Angels.

The childcare you choose may also depend on the amount of control and input you want to have of your child’s day. A nanny, for instance, will be guided by how much television you want your child to watch, which playgroups you want your child to attend, how many naps your child has during the day (and when), as opposed to a nursery where, with all the best will in the world, also has planned activities and routines for all its children and can try to accommodate you requests as far as possible.

Nannies
There is a misconception that all nannies live with the family. In fact, there are three types of nannies:

• live-in nannies (also known as day nannies)
• live-out nannies and nanny shares, so you don’t have to let your need for privacy, or lack of spare room, put you off using a nanny. Live-in nannies cost less than those who live out because much of their living expenses are covered by the family.

Live-out nannies have their own accommodation outside the family’s home and visit during the agreed hours to provide childcare.

Nannies can look after children of all ages, and they are usually very flexible with their time, which may suit parents who don’t work the traditional 9am-5pm working week.

Using a nanny can give parents the most control of how their child is looked after – not only because the child is cared for in their own home, but because nannies are guided by the parents of the child, especially those with less experience.

Using a nanny share is another good option for parents who work non-traditional hours, e.g. those parents who only need childcare a few days a week. You can basically ‘share’ a nanny with another family and negotiate among yourselves who has the nanny on which days and share the cost of employing the nanny.

Please note that nannies who are ‘shared’ by more than two families at a time need to be registered as childminders. If your nanny is not registered as a childminder, and you want to ask them to be a nanny share, they would be well within their rights to ask all families concerned to pay for the cost of that registration.

The law does not require nannies to have any qualifications to work, so not all of them have undergone childcare training, but many will have extensive experience and will have some formal childcare training.

Mannies
This is the latest craze among celebrities – a male nanny. Like many female-dominated professions like nursing and teaching (primary school age), there is prejudice in the childcare industry. However, there are some benefits to having a male presence in your child’s life – especially if you are a single parent.

Like with any other form of childcare you choose for your child, as long as you are happy that the individual(s) you choose can look after your child well, have vetted the childcare provider (either yourself, with their consent), or vetted their police check) then there is no harm in using a male childcare provider.

Childminders
Childminders are self employed, so they set their own terms and hours of work. They look after children from birth to sixteen years of age in their own homes. They can be flexible about how that care is given, and are therefore suitable for families that don’t have a traditional work pattern.

Many childminders provide non-conventional types of care – e.g. picking up children from school and giving them tea before you pick them up, looking after children in the evenings, at weekend and during school holidays.

An added bonus is that you can have more control over how your child is cared for – things like discipline, what they eat – compared to a nursery, but you’ll still have to drop them off and pick them up from the childminder’s.

Like nannies, childminders need to be registered on the Ofsted Childcare Register if they care for children who are less than eight years of age.

When choosing a childminder, you need to find out:

• if they charge on an hourly, daily or weekly basis
• if they charge for overtime or absences – childminders have been known to charge when a child is absent from their care due to sickness, and when you go on holiday, and you may even have to pay them when they go on holiday in order to keep your child’s place.

Childminders can care for up to six children under the age of eight at a time. Out of this, a maximum of three can be less than five years of age, and they are limited to caring for one baby aged less than a year. This number includes the childminder’s own children and any other children on the premises when they are working (so a friend’s child would count among that number if they are left in the childminder’s care).

Nurseries
Using a nursery is a popular choice for parents who work the traditional 9am to 5pm working week, as they tend to open from 8am to 6pm. Many parents choose to send their children to a nurseries because they can socialise with other children, making the transition to school a lot easier because children experience being with big groups of children from a young age.

Nurseries take children up to the age of five, many start from a few weeks old, but the norm is from three months of age. Children usually progress from the baby room to the toddler room and then the preschool room, depending on the size of the nursery.

Nurseries can be run by private individuals, community groups, Montessori organisations, commercial businesses or by employers, and they usually provide food (included in the fees). Some also provide nappies and wipes, so check with the nursery manager on your visit to see what you’ll be paying for.